Finding Closure
by ScarlettInk
Summary: old title: Love Finds Those Who Are Alone.An orphaned Bella is sent to live with the Cullens.Past tragedies have led Bella to close her heart.With discoveries and her new family's help she will try to find closure.But how much pain is too much? All HUMAN
1. Prologue and Endless Rain

**Sorry this chapter is short, I promise the next one one will be longer to make up for it!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing...sad but true**

**Enjoy**

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**Prologue:**

I locked and barred the door. There was no way anyone was coming in here. I just needed to be alone right now. Although, I was already alone. I had lost my mother twice and now I had nobody. It just was me, all alone, left to face the horrors of the real word and the uncharted land that is adult hood with no one.

I guess this makes no sense. Yes, it is the senseless babbling of an overly depressed teenager, but if you ask me I have every right to be depressed.

I was adopted at 3 months old.

I have absolutely no idea who my biological parents are.

My father died 13 months and 6 days ago.

My mother died yesterday.

I am completely alone.

A single tear slid down my cheek and landed softly on the floor with a gentle thud.

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**Endless Rain:**

I ran out of tears. Every single morsel of moisture in my entire body has now exited itself from me through my eyes. I have no tears left in me. I have every reason to cry though. How can I possibly love some one again let them in my life, only to know that all too soon they will be wrenched away from me? I hope you have an answer, because I need one. I need a reason to continue living my life, striving to be normal, making new friends, finding love or just getting out of bed.

The girl who stared back at me in the mirror was unrecognizable, but somewhere underneath the disheveled appearance, was the old Bella. The Bella who only a few days ago, was shopping with her best friends, the Bella who had finally gotten up the nerve to ask a boy for a date and the Bella who shone with life and excitement.

But that Bella was gone. She was replaced by a girl with freakishly pale skin, dull brown eyes that were too tired to contain any emotion. Swollen eyes puffy from crying and a mouth permanently turned downwards. This Bella, had her hair matted down on one side, from lying in the same position for too long, she had dark bags under her yes and had no desire to leave her room. The outside world held no interest for me. My parents were gone and nobody wanted me. They couldn't even find a family member to foist me off on. How pathetic is that.

_Flashback_

_I lay curled up in a ball on top of my covers. The curtains were drawn tightly and clothes were strewn everywhere. A young man and a man in a suit with a pinched looking face peered down at me with expressions filled with pity and disgust._

"_I cannot find any records of who her biological parents are, so I have no knowledge of any of their relations."_

"_That is simply unfortunate. I suppose she will have to go into foster care."_

_I shut my eyes tightly and willed them to go away. I willed this nightmare to end and to wake up to my mother's kind smiling face. But my blurred vision simply revealed a hazy outline of the man in the business suit and his companion. I shed and turned away. Perhaps if I pretended to be asleep they would go away. Hopefully, I would actually fall asleep this time. My entire life relied on hopes and what if's, nothing substantial, no solid plan. I had learned to trust nothing, because nothing is as set in stone as it seems._

I suppose I am afraid to fall asleep. For if I close my eyes I will see things that I desperately wish to erase form my memory. The memory of my mother's sudden death tugged at the back of my mind, but I pushed it away angrily. It would do know help to wallow in the memory.

I heard a light tapping on the door. I had no energy left to go and open it, so I collapsed weekly onto the bed and muttered a quiet,

"Come in."

An older man walked in. He had on one of those tacky business suits from the seventies in a hideous olive green with orange embroidery; a small lacy handkerchief was folded over his breast pocket. Someone very special probably gave that to him. I choked back a sob and swallowed nervously.

His beady eyes darted around my dank room and the settled warily on me. Was he afraid of me? Sure I was a depressed, practically suicidal girl, but I was as strong as a twig and a major klutz to boot. Why would I hurt an old man? At this point in time, I should be more scared of what news he was about to give me.

"We have found a family who is willing to take you in. They have several other children already. Three sons and two daughters. They live in Alaska. You leave tomorrow." He stated in a flat, monotone voice. He delivered the words as bluntly as possible. Being vague and detached. I surmised that he did not care abut me in the least. However, I realized I was missing some crucial information.

"What is the family's name?" I asked weakly.

"The _parents" _he stressed the words parents strangely, "are Dr. Carlisle Cullen and his wife Esme."

I began to turn away, assuming he would shut up, but he continued on. Obviously, ignoring my not too subtle hint.

"You should be very grateful for their kindness. It is only because of your unique situation." I shuddered remembering my 'situation'.

"You should pack up anything you want and get ready. Although, I must warn you, many of your mother's possessions are being sold to pay off your family's debt."

The stern man roughly shoved a ticket stub in my hand.

"Your train to Seattle leaves at nine. Do not miss it." he threatened and reinforced the warning with a glare.

"It seemed as though more than just my life was riding on this exchange, perhaps his career too." I mused.

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**Once again sorry, for the shortness of the chapter. If you like it, I will continue. But I won't know what you think unless you review.**

**Hint, Hint. Wink. Wink.**

**Come on you know you want to press that little blue button in the corner. PRESSURE...**


	2. Clean Slate

Transformation

**I know these chapters are mostly background information, but I figured I should explain the situation a little bit more before I got Edward into the picture. Don't' worry he's coming and things will get happier. Also, the other chapters will have a lot more dialogue.**

**Disclaimer: I still own nothing. (tear falls onto keyboard)**

I had to admit the hot shower felt nice against my skin. I scrubbed vigorously with the shampoo and combed my hair with my fingers. I scrubbed myself with soap and a loofa erasing all signs of my secluded state. I at least wanted to look presentable to meet my new family. That word sounded strange. Did I ever really have family? Sure I loved my mother dearly, but she was not related to me by blood. But I suppose love is enough to constitute a family. I was roused from my thoughts, by the water suddenly turning cold. 

Who knows how long I stood in the shower, using up all of the hot water. I half expected my mother Renee to come barging in complaining that there was going to be no hot water left for her. But the house was empty; every sound echoed off the walls and made the whole place eerie. I jumped at the slightest movement and turned on every light to dispel any lurking shadows. I hope wherever my mother is she is watching out for me. 

After I was thoroughly cleaned I tore apart the rare sections of room, which had previously been undisturbed, in search of a suitable outfit. Finally, settling on a pair of comfortable jeans, good for a long journey and a blue long sleeve shirt with a tan jack blazoned with an intricate pattern of mahogany beads, I took one final look at myself in the mirror. 

My chestnut brown hair hung down and straight like any other day, but at least it looked better than my recent hairstyle which could have been referred to as a rat's nest. For the most part I was clean and I looked relatively sane—on the outside. My state on the inside was still undetermined. 

I didn't really care what I packed; my clothes didn't have much sentimental value so I roughly crumpled them in a suitcase, along with a toothbrush, hairbrush and other necessities. I took my time wandering around the house searching for several possessions that I could carry with me. I ended up with several pictures of my mother and father on their wedding day, a picture of my mother, my father and a six year old me laughing at a picnic and a more recent picture of just my mother and me, we were smiling but I swear I could see the sadness in my mother's eyes. She had never really recovered from my father's fatal accident.

My father, Charlie Swan had worked as a cop. (**A/N Phil does not exist. Renee and Charlie never divorced.) **I remember the day clearly, June 26, 2005. It had been a bright and sunny day. Nothing could have prepared me for the tragedy that would shake my life. 

_I sat in the art room, painting my teacher, Mr. Poole as he posed on a chair surrounded by a complicated folded fabric that draped over the chair and flowed down to the ground. I furiously erased at a small section of the page, where the fold looked too sharp and didn't match the style of my piece._

"_Jeez Bella," Angela said, "If you keep that up you are going to run a hole through the page."_

"_Thanks for the hint." I grumbled sarcastically. "I just want it to be perfect." I said as I glared at the now empty spot on my page._

"_You are such a perfectionist." She muttered under her breath, so quiet I wasn't sure if I was meant to hear it._

"_Ah haa!" I screamed and everyone turned to look at me. I blushed at turned back to my painting, quickly sketching in the new folds. Perfect. I sighed in contentment and began smudging my lines together with the tortillan (_drawing tool).

_I spent the remainder of the period finishing that one spot and somewhere in that time, I heard the phone ring and the teacher talking, but it didn't register that they were talking about me. _

"_Isabella." Mr. Poole said and beckoned me with his finger. I stepped outside with butterflies in my stomach wondering what I did wrong. But when his face was sad, I quickly became panicked._

"_Something is wrong. I don't think I am the best person to tell you." He trailed off nervously and I dreaded what was coming next." I think your mother will explain everything." He paused and took a calming breath, "at the hospital." Then everything went black._

"_Bella." A voice called out to me. Everything swam into focus and I saw Angela's concerned face gazing down at me. I speedily regained my composure._

"_I am fine." I reassured everybody, "I just need to get to the hospital." _

_Angela helped me down to the main doors where a taxi was waiting for me._

_The car ride was stressful. The air was tense with anxiety and panic; because nobody had actually told me what was going on. All that I knew was: someone was hurt and I was going to the hospital to see them. The ten minute car ride lasted for hours; I was almost relieved to see the lit up Emergency Room Entrance. And then I remember why I was here and all thoughts of relief washed away._

_I stumbled blindly through the halls, trying to find my way through the white halls, tears dotted my eyes and the bright lights were blinding. Following the nurse's directions, I arrived at a polyester-clad waiting room, where I saw my mother quietly sobbing into a handkerchief._

_Once again I was filled with relief, my mom was fine, nothing was wrong with her. But as before, I remembered that, that meant that someone else was hurt._

"_Mom." I said softly, I did not want to startle her. I eased myself into the seat next to her and locked her in a tight embrace. She looked up at me and I saw her bloodshot eyes and the constant stream of tears running down her face._

"_What happened?" I asked and struggled to keep my voice calm even though I was teetering on the edge of loosing it._

_I only caught a few words between her sobs, "Your father… stupid teenagers... shooting…" But it was enough for me to comprehend the situation. My dad was in the Emergency room, and his life was on the line._

_I began to cry myself and my mother and I sat there, hugging each other, encompassed in a bubble of sadness. Awhile later, a doctor in a surgery uniform walked over to us,_

"_Mrs. Swan." He said addressing my mother. She looked up at him hope burning in her eyes. "I regret to inform you but your husband is dead." A new fit of tears overcame her and I rubbed her back while listening to the doctor's words,_

"_The bullet was lodged deeply in his sternum, just to the right of his heart. He died of blood loss. Had someone found him earlier, we might have been able to save him."_

"_Thank you." Was all I was able to say. I kept myself calm telling myself _Breathe Bella, Breathe._ I could not lose it now. My mother needed me. I had to be strong for her. She was still here. I vowed I would never let my mother down._

Beep. Beep. Beep. Wait; there was no beeping in the hospital. I opened my eyes to reality discovering that the alarm I had set was reminding me that I had only a half an hour left before I would say goodbye forever. 

I crumpled up several more nondescript items of clothing and stuffed them in my bag. It was followed, by my funeral outfit, a simple black shirt and sweatpants; I had felt no need to try and appear nice when I was being torn apart inside. So, my clothes reflected my inner state. I scrambled around grabbing some key possessions and of course my sketchbooks. Like a writer uses words and poems to express their feelings, I used my sketchbook. They told stories of me at different points in my life. I flipped through drawings of my friends, a meadow bathed in sunlight, an endless tunnel, disturbing images of the world smeared in blood and several attempts of me trying to capture my mother with a true smile n her face, in the year between her death and my father's. Several drops of tears splattered a clean page of my sketchbook. And I allowed my grief to consume me for a small amount of time.

The last thing I wanted to pack was my mother's wedding dress. It was all I had left of her that was distinctly her. It was a simple cream off the shoulder dress, with delicate pleats and a sweeping train. That precious memento got a suitcase of its own.

I dawdled for a long as I could trying to prolong the moment when I would leave. I had nobody to say goodbye to. In the period during my mother's short sickness and her death, I had pulled away from the scant amount of friends I had managed to acquire in the small time I spent in Forks. I had stopped calling my old friends form Phoenix ages ago, so there was no on left for me. I went to every room of my house, saying goodbye to everything, my eyes trailing over the possessions that would get sold to some un-named person who would never truly appreciate them. The clock said eight thirty and I could not prolong the inevitable anymore. I walked out of my house, into the cab that the angry man had provided and whispered a final "Goodbye" to my house and my memories. 

I twisted around in my seat, but the pouring rain obscured any final images in my house, I called up the image in my mind and tears fell silently down my cheeks in coordination with the rain. 

As soon, as the train departed form the Forks station. I fell into a numb sleep. My mind completely shut down and I collapsed into blackness.

It was only the voice, blaring over the intercom, "Last call for passenger to exit the train station in Fairbanks, Alaska." 

I groaned. The arrival had come too soon. I scurried about; retrieving my suitcases and disposing of the disgusting lunch I had eaten on the train. It was raining here too. To me, the whole world was weeping for my loss. Mother Nature was showing me how she grieved for my predicament. And I grieved with her. But if I was already thinking philosophically, I could also believe that the slate was being wiped clean and I could start fresh again. But that optimistic future allowed for too much hope. And I was not yet ready to hope. In the mere minutes it took me to secure a taxi, I was soaked, my thin shirt clung to my skin, and my jacket was twice as heavy with water weight. My hair adhered to my face in strands and the wind sent shivers down my spine. I squeaked the address to my driver and blasted the heat in my face. It would do no good to arrive drenched, looking like a drowned rat. 

As the car ride dragged, on the rain slowed from a torrential down pour to a light rain and eventually it stopped altogether. Let me guess, you're expecting me to say: the clouds parted and the sun came out and everything was fine and dandy. If you guessed that you are sadly mistaken. Although the rain ceased, ominous gray storm clouds hovered menacingly in the sky as though at any moment they would strike and unleash the force of their powers on the unsuspecting .

The taxi pulled in an unmarked driveway and I was honestly surprised that the driver was able to find it, hidden as it was behind an immense amount of overgrown trees and thick forests. At the end of the winding driveway was perhaps the most breathtaking house I had ever laid my eyes on, Nestled within the lush Alaskan forest was a house that looked as though it had literally popped out of a fairytale. From the stone designs on the lower half of the house to the cobblestone walkway that led to the front door. Several long wooden planks created an appealing design on the top half of the house. The house was three stories high and on the left corner there was a gorgeous stone tower with a brightly colored window on the side. The windows on the top half were on top of outcropping and planters filled with thriving, colorful flowers dangled beneath each window. On the lower half, the windows were adorned with cute little shutters that had cut out son the bottom of them. A garden filled with an assortment of flowers surrounded the house and was encircled in a delicate wooden fence. I was proud that I could recognize magnolia, tulips and marigolds growing with in the garden. Propped on the right side of the house was a trellis overgrown with gorgeous roses that were a startling red. 

Just next to the house was a smaller building which looked like a garage, but it seemed at least twice as large as any garages back in my hometown of Forks. However the open door revealed several cars and a motorcycle so I concede with great amazement that it was indeed, a garage. Tools and other various house-keeping necessities littered the walls, but what really caught my eye was the obvious ostentatious nature of the cars. I counted five expensive cars: and exceedingly bright yellow Porsche, a polished red BMW, a silver Volvo and a massive, scary looking jeep. I sadly remembered my beloved tuck, the paint was peeling off and I couldn't travel more than 60 mph, despite its poor condition I missed it dearly. Last year my mom and I had sold it pay for my dad's funeral expenses. Needless, to say, living off of a kindergartener teacher's salary does not leave a lot of room for luxuries. The driver reached the end of the driveway and I paid him the hefty sum, leaving me just a little over 300 left. I would have to go job –hunting soon. With my two measly, falling apart suitcases and small back pack, I compare my lack of –well—anything, to their obvious richness. 

Lugging my decrepit suitcases, I took careful steps across the stone walkway, remembering my proclivity to falling, I am a klutz, and I deal with it. It just means I occasionally have to walk slower and look down at my feet more than the average person. I stood there for several minutes, drinking in my current predicament and gaining the courage it would rake me to knock on the door. I resolved for at least during my introduction the Cullens, I would restrain my true emotions. Because if they realized how utterly messed-up I was, there was no way I would be admitted into the family. And more than anything, I needed this. I had nothing less. Tentatively, I laid my hand on the dark-stained wooden door, I gulped nervously and knocked.

Behind the door was a man who looked to be in his early thirties. He had honey blond hair and startling blue eyes. He was clearly young, but the depth of his eyes held an infinite wisdom. A small woman, with a motherly figure stood at his side. Her warm brown eyes saturated with warmth and compassion and the open smile on her face was overwhelming. I felt a sharp pain in my heart, she reminded me too much of my dead--it was hard to even think the word-- mother. 

"You must be Isabella. Please come in." He said kindly and stepped to the side so I could enter his house.

"Thank you." I whispered, still not trusting my voice to stay steady. 

"And please, call me Bella." I said, voice gaining a little volume, as I grew a tad more confident. 

Still smiling warmly he said, "Of course. I am Carlisle Cullen and this is my family." I had been so overcome with emotions that I had failed to notice the other people situated in the room.

Lounging on a rich brown couch was a frightening looking man and nestled in the crook of his arm was a stunningly beautiful woman. On a multi-tonal brown chair, diagonal from the couch was a tall blond male, and on the floor, sitting on the cream colored carpet was a petit girl, snuggled between his legs. The woman, who had opened the door with Carlisle, had stepped back a few paces and stood behind the couch. Off in the corner another boy sat on a piano bench.

Carlisle gestured to the woman leaning on the couch, "This is my wife, Esme."

Esme walked around the couch and shook my hand firmly.

"I am so glad you are here. Welcome to our family."

I was startled. It was unbelievable to think that this family could accept me so quickly. I shook my head and said hello politely as too not seem dim-witted or slow. 

She glared at the large man at the couch. Obviously urging him to introduce himself too. He was largest man I had ever seen, at least who wasn't on T.V. and a pro-wrestler. His muscles in his torso rippled with the rise and fall of his chest and when he waved hello to me, his biceps looked huge and menacing. If he had been a cartoon, the tight black t-shirt would have ripped several times already. 

"Hey. I'm Emmett McCarty." 

I smiled graciously, trying to wipe the scared look of my face. 

"Hello." I said politely my fear of his massive size evident in the way my voice shook. 

"Emmett, I think you look a little scary to her." Teased the girl he had an arm draped over. Emmett's booming laughter shook, the house and the whole couch vibrated.

"Emmett." Esme cautioned in a stern voice. He held up his hands in mock surrender. It was pretty funny and a smile tugged at the corner of my lips. 

I turned my attention to the woman underneath Emmett's arm. She was gorgeous. Her body was perfectly proportioned and curved in all the right places. I was able to notice this, by her revealing blood-red top and black mini skirt. She had white blond hair that cascade down her back to settle just around her waist and hazel eyes, heavily accented by eye shadow and mascara. Her skin was a creamy white, with not a single blemish in sight. Her looks rivaled any models'.

"Hello." She said and my heart plummeted, even her voice was the perfect combination of sexy and intelligent.

"My name is Rosalie Hale." I smile internally at how formal this all sounded.

"It's nice to meet you." I responded automatically.

"Hi!" squeaked a high-pitched voice form across the room. A small girl, who reminded me of a pixie, was glowing with excitement and practically bouncing. Her blue eyes danced and offset her cropped inky black hair that was shorn unevenly just above her shoulders. Unexpectedly, she dashed forward and engulfed me in an embrace. I stumbled backwards from the force of the collision. Shock colored my face; I found that Esme, Emmett, Rosalie, Carlisle and the two other unnamed members of the family's faces mirrored my shock. The extremely tall male stepped forward and simply picked the small girl up and carried her back over to the couch. My eyes were still wide and I was frozen in my position. This was more than I could handle, another wave of love and acceptance hit me and I fought back the urge to cry because I knew if I began to feel comfortable here, something would happen and I would be torn away from this family too. 

The tall male sat down and placed the girl on his lap. She fidgeted until she found a comfortable position. Then looked up ay him and pouted while he restrained her from moving towards me again. I had to smile at the clearly devastated look on her face. He held a finger to her lips and delicately kissed her forehead. 

"Hello." He said. His deep voice was mellow and calming. "I am Jasper Whitlock and this is--" He was cut off by the girl on his lap, "And I" she said dramatically, "Am Mary Alice Brandon" her cheery mood was catching and I found myself unable to stop smiling. He look quickly turned menacing "But _everybody _calls me Alice." She threatened and then chuckled alleviating the sudden tense atmosphere, "I mean come on, Mary!" She shuddered in mock horror. I felt the corners of my lips twitch and turn upwards. I decided right then and there that I might get along well with Alice.

"Edward!" she squealed, "Come introduce yourself!" She clapped her tiny hands together like a small child and then tapped her foot impatiently when he moved too slowly for her liking. Another smile twitched at the corner of my lips. 

Edward slowly rose from the piano bench and turned so that he was completely facing me. He was by far the most stunning person ever. I had ogled at the beauty of the rest of the family, but ogling came nowhere near the glazed look that came over my eyes as I was entranced by the perfection of his looks. He was lean and nicely muscled, although much less burly than Emmett. He had expertly chiseled features, like a statue of a god: a sharp jaw, soft full lips and a well--perfect nose. An untidy mop of bronze hair lay lazily on top of his head and flopped gently in his eyes. It was messy, but it suited him. He pushed back a lock of hair with his long white fingers and shook his head desperately trying to return the errant lock of hair to the top of his head. Underneath the curtain of his hair were green eyes, like emeralds that had been cut into a thousand pieces so they sparkled and pierced my soul. It took all of my effort to keep breathing and not collapse weakly on the floor. 

"Hello." He said, his musical voice like melting honey. "I am Edward Masen." Edward, I mused, a little old fashioned, but it seemed to fit judging by his polite tone.

"Hi." I mumbled back weakly. Any more words would have jumbled into a mess of confusion, bu ti decide it was okay if I seemed plagued incoherency, with all the nerves that surrounded me. I was an unwanted orphan joining a completely random family. I sighed in relief, I hadn't actually thought through my situation completely and it relaxed meto have it stated so clearly. 

A long uncomfortable awkward silence followed my weak reply. I anxiously shifted my weight from foot to foot and twiddled my thumbs. A sudden topic of small talk came to mind.

"Do you play?" I asked, my question aimed at Edward gesturing towards the genral vicinity of the piano.

"Yes. Playing the piano is one thing I love." He responded. 

"Well, go on. Play for her." Esme suggested, deluighted that there was a way to fill up the seemingly interminable silence.

He grimaced slightly, but took several long strides to the piano and sat down fluidly on the bench. In an over exaggerated motion he held his hands directly over the keys before precisely placing them in the correct position. They flowed swiftly across the piano, almost blurring with their speed. Beautiful, sweet music filled the air and I unconsciously drifted closer to drink in the splendid sound. 

The song was almost unbearably sweet. The sheer beauty of it caused a lone tear to trickle down my cheek, and I quickly wiped it away hoping no one would notice.

"It's beautiful." I whispered, "Did you compose this?"

He simply nodded and gaped in awe. It was unbelievable that a sound so beautiful and unearthly was being created not twenty fee tin front of me. His fingers swept gracefully across the keys and the lovely notes floated through the air, rising up into the sky. Traversing boundaries and soaring to new heights. I entered my own reality, carried by the music.

"Oh my god!" Alice screamed. I was thrown violently down to earth, when Edward stopped playing abruptly and we all turned to stare at Alice. I panicked my fear still fresh in my find and my shoulders became rigid. I locked down my vulnerable open heart and prepared for the worse.

"Is that all the stuff you have?" she demanded, her tone questioning my sanity. I sighed and relaxed. When I had drifted forward to appreciate the music, I had revealed my suitcases and their sorry state.

I smiled sheepishly and answered with a simple "Yes."

She darted forward, draped an arm possessively around my should and steered me towards the direction of a doorway. I felt her other arm move and I saw in my peripheral vision that she was signaling to the rest of her family hat we were leaving now. I followed meekly, having no choice with the vice grip she had on my arm. For a very small girl, Alice was surprisingly strong.

He incessant but welcome babble was a nice escape from my tortured thoughts. It was nice to be around people, I had been alone in my mind for too long.

"Oohh. Bella." She cooed, "This is going to be sooooo much fun. We can spend all of the time shopping. I will get you a whole new wardrobe. Trust me, your closest will allow for plenty of room." As she continued speaking her voice became higher pitched and it seemed like she would bubble over with excitement. I had never seen someone so excited by the prospect of clothes. "And we are going to have to coordinate colors; of course you will have _some _say in the clothes we get you. But _I_ have final veto power. I will take in account what you are comfortable wearing, but be ready to expand your horizons. We might have to wait for the weekend though. I think this could take all day." As she prattled on, dozens of different emotions flitted across her face with each passing thought. Finally, she stopped to take a deep breath and I realized she had said the entire thing without breathing

"I think we are going to be the best of friends." She crowed.

I felt a smile crawl across my lips. Wow, this girl was good. I had barely known her for an hour and this had been at least the third time she had made me smile. I ignored the dark corners of my mind that threatened to dampen my mood and focused only on the present, and my new friend.

**I told you it would get happier. For now….**

**No, it will get better, but there will still be some depressing parts, which I promise will eventually diminish.**

**Next Chapter Preview:**

It took all of my strength to step out of the Volvo. Students milled about the high school and I swear I could feel their stares on me. Everywhere I looked there was someone scrutinizing me. Alice squeezed my arm supportively. But I knew what a new school was like, how it was to be the new girl that everybody gawked at.

I could only imagine that it would be worse now that my past had become even more horrific and gossip-worthy. Last time, I was simply an adopted child with a dead father. Now I am an adopted child, with a dead father, a dead mother and I was recently re-adopted. It felt as though their stares were burning holes in my back and I wanted nothing more than to run away and hide.

**Look at me I was such a good author. I gave you a long chapter and a preview of the next one. I guess that means you'll have to review now.**

**I'll help you out, just press the little blue button on the left. Come on….a little closer…you're almost there…keep going…**


	3. Accidental Memories

I have to say mt day did not start well

**I'm inexplicably SORRY! It took me so long to get this chapter up. I made the idiotic mistake of going to summer school and it is consuming all of my time and energy. Plus, I was forced to get a job this summer….which I am NOT even getting paid for. (and this is where I keep grumbling to myself)…**

**Okay. I am done complaining. Here is the next chapter. If all goes as planned the following chapter will have a Bella and Edward interaction. By the way, sorry about the teaser from the last chapter; got a little a head of myself and that part is still at least two chapters away.**

**Disclaimer:**

**My Mom: What do you want for your birthday?**

**Me: (without hesitation) the rights to Twilight.**

**My Mom: Sorry. I can't buy you that. How about a pony?**

**Me: (grumbling to myself about Stephenie Meyer owning EVERYTHING.) Fine. But can I at least name it Twilight?**

I have to say my day did not start well. Mainly because it started with a panic attack. I woke up in an unfamiliar room that I had yet to be acquainted with, in an unfamiliar bed, in clothes that were clearly not mine. They were pink pajamas with, fur lined sleeves, which was a great contrast to my grungy sweats and worn-out sweats. It took at least ten minutes to remember that I was at the Cullen house, in my new room and the pajamas…well I don't know. I struggled through the early morning haze to remember last night's events.

_No more than twenty minutes after Alice dragged me off; I was rescued by Jasper and Emmett. Armed with popcorn and various DVD's they burst into the room announcing that we were all watching a late night movie. It was clearly not up to negotiation. Honestly, all I remember about the movie was the opening credits; I couldn't even tell you what it was called. Because shortly after the movie started, I fell asleep. Isn't that just a great way to start off with a new family—pass out on their couch?_

Obviously, someone had carried me into my new room and dressed me in these hideously bright pajamas. And then a horrifying thought hit me, followed by a blush that swept across my cheeks, "I wonder who carried me and more importantly, who changed me?" my inner voice shrieked raising several octaves.

Mentally, I calmed myself, reassuring my petrified inner-voice that it was surely Alice who changed me. My deep breaths and attempts at self-distracted gave me ample time to appreciate my surroundings.

I craned my head in all directions, wanting a full view of my new room. The walls were simple and white-washed; although, I wasn't sure if the color-choice was intentional or I was being consulted on a shade. On the left wall there was a simple dresser with a mirror resting on top and on the opposite wall was a closet and the open door next to it revealed a glimpse of a tiled bathroom floor. On my right was a simple metal night table, housing a lamp and a glass of water. The bed sat central in the room, resting a top a monochromatic black rug. My head was cushioned by a variety of plush pillows in shades of black and red or white ones blazoned with intricate designs reminiscent of the Victorian Era. The duvet cover matched the Victorian ambiance; it was black with white embellishments and several red accents.

Stretching and releasing my stiff muscles from their captive state, my wrist collided with a cold metal object above my bed. Tipping my head so I was almost face-down in a pillow, I could make out the hazy view of a metal headboard. Grumbling to myself, I forced my body to flip over and give me a more valuable view, rather than one obstructed by a white film of a pillow case. The wrought iron spokes were decorated with twisting vines and several metal flowers. It was exquisite.

However, the one item in the room that outweighed the glory of the comfortable bed a intricately adorned headboard was the window directly in front of me. It was not just a window; more like the entire wall was glass. Delicate satin black curtains hung on the corners of the wall, held captive by a red rope. Directly beneath the window was a charming window seat overflowing with mounds of cushy pillows, ripe for resting my head on. As much as I admired the decorations surrounding the window, I was simply captivated by the breath –taking view. And endless expanse of lush Alaskan country side spanned as far as I could see. Trees of carrying shapes and shades of green filled the window and purplish mountains surrounded by a ring of clouds were in the distance. The sun was rising and a pink tinged sky accented the view, creating a marvelous contrast. With the spindly branches raking across the wall, a unique composition was splayed out before my eyes. My fingers itched and my mind screamed for my sketch book and as much every fibbed of my being desired to sketch the view I knew that I couldn't draw right now. It would be fair…and I couldn't draw again.

With the risk of temptation, I stumbled over the wall and tugged gently on the silk ties, relishing in the rustle of the curtains as they blocked the enticement. In the interest of time and relieving my retinas form over-exposure to bright colors, I closed my door to get dressed and was greeted by a full length mirror which displayed my tattered appearance. My eyes were red and blotchy from crying. Lately, I had taken to startling my self awake and crying for no apparent reason other than the fact that I was alone. My hair was matted to the side and several tufts stuck up in random places. I ran a brush through it quickly and shoved on my lovable worn jeans.

The alarm beeped reminding me of the one thing I was dreading in this new life –school. School had been bearable, until I had moved. I wasn't very good at being the new girl; I am generally shy and not very talkative. Not to mention, my interesting family history usually was known by every student in the school before I had even put one foot in the halls.

I heard a serious of fast and spastic knocks in the door and just as I was going to heave myself off of the bed the door burst open and Alice sped in. She posed in the center of the room eyeing me suspiciously,

"You are not seriously wearing that to school, are you?" she exclaimed in shock as though I was committing a horrendous and punishable crime.

I glanced down at the baggy jeans and ratty t-shirt I had thrown on and mumbled a "Yes."

She glared me straight in the eye, "NO." Roughly grabbing my arm, I was unwillingly dragged out of my room and thrown into Alice's.

"Jasper, sweetie, I need you to leave."

"Yes Ma'am." he replied politely and I detected a faint southern twang.

He ducked his head politely and began to leave the room. Alice. She kissed him quickly as he walked out and then whirled around facing me.

"Step Number 1: Clothes."

She assaulted me with a barrage of clothes. Several too revealing outfits later, I was properly clad in what Alice called "a compromise of an outfit".

I considered it a stretch.

She had me in jeans. Okay, that was fine. It was the too bright, too cheery, too…I don't even know…Too happy… orange peasant shirt with gold embroidery on an empire waist and matching orange pumps. I hadn't worn anything remotely in the rainbow spectrum that didn't involve neutrals and dark colors, since my dad had died and my mom had slipped into her stupor.

And then it happened.

The wall protecting me form those emotions crumbled and I was battered by an onslaught of memories. I stumbled in a daze over to the make-up table, as directed by Alice. But I missed my entire makeover, because I was immersed in my memories.

_She wouldn't get out of bed. And frankly I didn't want to either. But I woke up to the obnoxious beeping of my alarm, and instead of the smell of breakfast floating upstairs; I was greeted by a cold, empty feeling. Namely, the absence of my father and the dissipation of our stable family and practiced routine. Swallowing a fresh wave of tears, I tripped blindly down the hall, searching for my mother._

_In all my life I will never forget the sight of my mother that morning. Even before I opened the door I could sense her hopelessness, desperation and loneliness. I could feel the hole that was inside of her, a gnawing hole that try as hard as I might, I could not fill it. She whimpered from inside and I inadvertently pictured a critically wounded puppy. Steadying myself I took a deep breath and opened the door._

_The room was dark and stale air wafted outwards. In the middle of the bed lay my mother curled up in a ball. The wrinkled sheets lay twisted around her but she didn't seem to notice—or care. She was wearing one of my dad's shirts and as I watched both in shock and horror she leaned in, breathing the scent of my father still lingering on his clothes. Splotches dotted the tan sheets where her tears had done their damage._

_Pictures throughout the room had been knocked off the wall and shattered class was scattered all over the floor. At my feet was a picture of my mom and dad on their wedding day. They are toasting glasses of champagne, both radiating a joy that jumps off of the image and catches my soul, stealing my breath. But the serenity and happiness of the frozen moment is marred by the jagged crack that obstructs the image of the couple deeply submerged in love._

_In that single second, my entire world fell to shambles around me. The undeniable lack of my father and the cationic state of my mother. The single hope I had left, the one person who, together, we could reassemble our fragmented life had abandoned me. Although not physically, mentally she was no longer capable of being a functioning mother. _

_My mom didn't even seem to notice I had entered her room. She stared blankly at the wall, silent tears dripping down her face, her nose pressed into my father's shirt._

_I ran over to her and sat down slowly. Gently, I moved her head so I could cradle it in my lap and I stroked her hair as she cried. Time could have been standing still for all I noticed, because the broken shell sagging into my lap, was all I had left. And I would never let her go. With that conviction, I tightened my grip on my mother's head as she sobbed uncontrollably. I detached my mind, drifting form the present and welcoming a soothing numbness that washed away my pain._

And now she was gone. A single tear trickled down my cheek and I saw in the mirror a black streak sliding down my cheek.

"Oh, Bella" Alice chastised, "Look what you did!"

"I'm sorry." I croaked my voice hoarse with sadness.

Suddenly, her mood changed drastically and she pulled me up into an embrace, "Bella, Are you okay?" she asked distressed.

"I was just…remembering." I struggled with the word and chocked back tears.

"Bella," she said softly, "it's okay to miss them, but you have to learn that they wouldn't want you to live your life in misery. I learned that a long time ago." Alice said wistfully.

I trusted the wisdom in her voice.

"Can I tell you my story?" she asked. I nodded, not trusting my voice.

"It's a long story. I am just warning you, it is not a happy one. We don't have much time, so it would be good if you didn't interrupt. I think it may help."

"Of course and thank you."

She took a deep breath and in a million years I could have never imagined such a story.

"My parents died when I was only six. They died in a terrible car accident. I was the sole survivor, although I survived with massive head trauma. It wiped my memory clean. When I woke in the hospital, I was attached to several monitors, I had needles sticking into my arms and a man in a white shirt stood over me. He told me that my parents had died in the car accident. I asked him, 'What car accident?' Several tests later the man in the white coat determined that my limbic system had shut down and I suffered from retrograde amnesia. In other words, I have no memory of anything that happened before I woke up in that hospital room."

My eyes widened and my jaw dropped and she looked at me sadly, but continued on with her story. I could not even dream to interrupt. The mere idea of having no recollection of your parents rendered me speechless and a familiar, but less intimidating numbness crawled into my mind. Before I was completely shackled to the present, a single thought flared in my head, _I was lucky. At least I had my memories._

"I only know what people have told me about the actual accident. Apparently, it had been snowing hard that night, the roads were unsafe for driving, but for some reason unbeknownst to me we were plowing through the blizzard anyways. The roads were slick from the snow and too much snow had accumulated on front windshield of the car. Their vision obstructed, they car went spinning out of control and crashed into a guard rail and the sheer force of the collision smashed the rail and sent us careening into the valley below. We were found several hours later."

Alice pauses here, taking a steadying breath and her next installment comes out in a detached-sounding voice. As though, she is afraid to fully submerse herself in what happened that fateful night.

"My father died instantly, being the driver, he was on the full impact side. I am told he felt no pain. My mother on the other hand died of internal bleeding and hypothermia. My head had slammed forwards into the passenger seat knocking me unconscious. I sustained several cuts and bruises, and several pieces of glass were extracted from my body and more importantly my skull."

She bent forward and parted her hair on the left side, showing a faint jagged scar that ran down the left side of her hair and I saw the edge of it poking up just above her ear. I gasped as I comprehended how truly terrifying moment like that would be and what amount of pain would go along with it. Especially, to still have a scar after eleven years.

"I also had a sister, Cynthia. After having established that I no recollection of her, they sent her off to an orphanage , deeming that it would be too traumatic for a three year old to live with a sister who did not know who she was and could possibly never remember. I don't even know if she knows that I am still alive."

She sighed contemplatively, entangled in the thoughts that seemed to be forever questions.

Alice opened a drawer on her nightstand and pulled out a worn photograph. There were four people in the picture. On the left was a tall man. With glasses perched a top his nose, he had a mess of brown hair atop his head and in his arms he held a young girl. The young girl was facing away from the camera, dutifully sucking on her thumb; her brown hair was pleated into braids secured with tiny little pink ribbons. Standing next to the man was a woman whose head barely reached his shoulder. She was smiling directly at the camera, her blue eyes too similar to Alice's. Sitting at the woman's feet was another girl still fairly young, but older than the toddler. She had stunning raven black hair that traveled almost to her waist and piercing blue eyes that drew my eye instantly. She smiled hugely, an ear-to-ear smile that made it hard to focus on anyone else in the picture.

"That was my father Daniel Brandon. He is holding my sister Cynthia and next to him is my mother Mary Brandon. According to my birth record my name was Mary Alice Brandon, but it felt weird to use the name of the mother I don't remember, which is why I go by Alice."

She put the picture away, taking care to place it carefully and avoid any damage. I observed how delicately she handled the fraying edges.

"Where was I" Alice mused.

"Right. Cynthia. We were placed in different orphanages and I haven't heard anything about her since that auspicious day. About six months later Carlisle found me in the orphanage and adopted me. I had already become inseparable friends with Jasper and I adamantly refused to go unless he adopted Jasper too. Grudgingly, he accepted my request."

I opened my mouth to ask a question but she shushed me and began speaking again.

"It has been eleven years and everyday I still wake up thinking I might remember. But, by now, I am practically positive that it is never going to happen. So, I have tired… virtually successfully I might add…to shut the idea away. I decided that living my life in the past is simply not an option and it would be best to not even dwell on it. I have a wonderful life now and a great family. Although, I can't compare them to my original family, I wouldn't trade them for anything in the world. I let go and embraced my new life. Hopefully, you will be able to that too."

She laughed unexpectedly.

"Of course, I have had eleven years to accept what destiny has doled out to me; you have had less than a week. I would say if anything, you deserve time."

"Bella." She looked at me beseechingly and held my hands, softly squeezing them in reassurance.

"The next statement that leaves my lips, is not meant to ensure any type of pity. Do you hear me? No. Pity." She enunciated her disclaimer and I unintentionally cracked a smile.

"You have something that I don't have and probably will never have."

I hope the look on my face questioned her insanity, because internally, I was. What would she desire that I had? My morose thoughts? My crippled heart? My aching soul?

"You have your memories. I realize that your memories don't seem like blessings right now, but I would love to remember my previous family. I would love to know why we were in that car. Why Cynthia wasn't. I would want to find Cynthia again and tell her how happy I was when she was born. But what if I wasn't? Did I even want a sister?"

She sighed, her shoulders rising with the motion, "Cherish your memories. Be blessed that you have them. But think hard, weren't there joyful parts of your past too? Those are crucial to remember. And aren't there more memories to be made?"

"Alice, I'm--"

She wagged a finger in my face, "I said no pity. I have made peace with my past and I am creating my own family."

Silently, she wiped the tears off of my blackened cheeks and began to leave. Abandoning me to my incomprehensible thoughts, as though moving through a fog began to slide into place.

I suddenly made several connections in my mind: why the man in the tacky suit had stressed the word _parents_ so strangely when he discussed Carlisle and Esme, why none of their children looked alike and coupled with the new information that I had just received from Alice…

"Wait. Alice!" I called and she took several steps away from the door, halting directly in front of me.

"Are all of you orphans?" I questioned breathlessly, afraid she would leave or I would lose my nerve if I didn't spit it out quick enough,

"Yes. They didn't tell you?" She asked, raising a delicate eyebrow in blatant disbelief.

I ducked my face in shame. Admittedly, they most likely had. "I wasn't really in a listening mood."

She nodded understandingly. "Edward's been here the longest. Carlisle nursed him back to health shortly before he even found Esme. They adopted Rosalie next, who found Emmett trying to survive in the Appalachian Mountains. And well, you know where Jasper and I come in."

She tossed the orange pumps in my lap, "Put these on and meet me downstairs." She commanded and turned on her heel, loping out the door.

It took me a moment to collect my jumbled thoughts and I shook my head several times to clear it, "Th-Thank you!" I called to her retreating figure, "for everything…I mean."

A high pitched giggled drifted down the hall.

**I hope you liked it. **

**Unfortunately, I can not tell if you liked it, unless you review! So……let me hear your thoughts…review.**

**P.S. I am in the market for a beta….any takers?**


	4. Sinister Masquerade

**Disclaimer:**

**Set Scene: Scarlett Ink approaches a shady looking character in a dark alleyway.**

**Me: I hear you can forge just about anything.**

**Shady Man: Maybe I can. Maybe I can't. Whose asking?**

**Me: An author who would do anything for the rights to Twilight.**

**(Man whips out a broken bottle cap) Shady Man: I'll take your life for it. You have a pretty little head.  
**

**(Me baking away slowly, with arms raised in surrender) Me: No. That's okay. I kind of like my head attached to my body. (Sprints away)**

**(Me is magically on the edge of cliff, because everyone knows that all great screams of agony happen on cliffs. ) Me: You have defeated me this time, oh great Stephenie Meyer, but I will get you and the rights to Twilight too!!!!**

**Happy reading!**

**Yours truly,**

**Scarlett Ink**

**

* * *

  
**

I glared at the stairs. There they were, a menacing structure obstructing my safe passage to the first floor and mocking me, predicting my doom. I gripped the banister tightly and cautiously maneuvered one of my death traps…I mean _shoes_… and placed it delicately on the first step.

Success. One down and 17 more to go. Yes. I had counted. It made it easier to determine how much farther I had to go.

At my circumspect snails pace I made my way down the stairs.

I began my count down. "It's the Final Countdown! Doo doo doo doodaloo doo doo." I began to hum to myself. But like all good things they must come to an end.

The front tip of my heel snagged on the carpeted stair and bent underneath itself. I flailed my arms wildly, desperately hoping for a support to appear out of thin air. In an effort to stabilize myself, I tried to put my other foot down, but that only succeeded in tangling my legs tighter. I awkwardly twisted around and my wrist slammed into the banister, having eluded my earlier attempts finding it.

I clutched it for dear life steadied myself. I pumped my fist in the air, with a silent "Yes!" accompanied by a short prayer.

Do you think you can guess what happens next? Clouded by elation of surviving yet another fall, I failed to watch my feet touch the stairs.

And I missed.

Sending me sprawling face first towards the ground. I threw my arms out a connected with a solid object. The solid and painful object herein referred to as the ruthless floor.

"Ooof." I muttered and heard the distinct laughter of chiming bells and a bass drum. _My loving audience. _

"Are you okay, Bella?" Edward's velvet voice laced with slight concern, but I saw his lips twitching an amusement dancing in his eyes.

"Go on . Laugh." I grumbled as a pink tint colored my cheeks, "This happens at least once a day." Unabashedly, he threw his head back and laughed. I drank in the musical sound.

He held out his hand and I stared at it, filled with apprehension that I could not place. After all, it was just a simple helping hand.

"It's just a hand, Bella. And I don't bite."

A few more moments passed as I deliberated. Accepting the hand, accepting the help was unnerving. It would be opening myself up, making myself vulnerable. Unlocking the protection on my heart and I didn't think I would survive another piece of my heart being carelessly torn to pieces. On the other hand, I was probably over thinking. I tended to do that a lot. It was just a hand. Just a hand to get me off of the ground.

I grabbed his hand and he pulled me off the ground, never breaking eye contact. Edward gripped my arm as I balanced myself on my rather unsteady feet. But still he did not release me, from his hold or his green, piercing eyes.

A crash sounded from the left, and I was released from my captivation. I awkwardly disentangled myself and watched as Alice stared innocently, a knowing smile not completely obscured by her mask of naivety. I glared at her and stalked off to the kitchen where I was greeted warmly by Esme.

"Good morning, Bella. I hope you had a pleasant nights sleep."

"I did and thank you." I responded sincerely.

"Don't mention it dear." She said a huge smile on her face. Esme pushed a plate filled with mounds of eggs and steaming bacon.

I wolfed it down, grinning sheepishly between mouthfuls of egg.

"Sorry." I apologized for my rude behavior, "I haven't had a decent meal, since well…." I trailed off, my former gloom threatening to make an entrance.

Alice noticed my face and quickly moved to distract me, "Lets go. Lets go. School awaits." She said, her excitement bubbling over as she bounced in her seat, hopping up unexpectedly and proceeding to tap her foot impatiently on the ground when I showed no signs of moving.

Edward groaned beside me. "I despise school. Obnoxious people cozying up to the teachers and everyone shrouded in air of haughtiness." He explained solemnly.

"I understand. We all put on a mask to disguise who we truly are. How do you really know who someone is if you never get to see their true face? "

He stared at me in a look that both portrayed awe and amazement.

"Come on you two. They'll be plenty of time to get all philosophical on the car ride over. You two can ride together. The rest of us will take Rosalie's car."

I saw a sly look cross her face, as she looked from both me to Edward and back again. I was suddenly very afraid. She skipped merrily to the door dragging Jasper behind her and pulling a disgruntled Emmett away from his third helping of eggs and bacon.

Edward graciously opened the passenger door for me with a mock bow.

"And they said chivalry was dead." I stated, not quite managing to mirror his serious expression. I pressed my lips together to hold in my laughter, but a humiliating snort gave me away.

"So, are you kidnapping me or are you going to tell me where we are going?"

"We are going to the dismal abyss known as Denali High School. Actually, I quite enjoyed your description of people wearing masks."

"Thank you. I probably am one of the only people who actually believe that sort of stuff. In my mind, you must gain my trust and respect before I will take off my mask."

"Why would you need to wear a mask?"

I stared at the window, begging the tears not to fall and keep my voice steady to answer a question that seemed simple, but in truth was much more complicated.

"I have had my mask on for a while now. I have been hurt far too many times to let my guard down instantly." I whispered. I looked at Edward who gazed at me imploringly and the part of my explanation had been keeping trapped in my head spilled forth unbidden.

"I needed to take care of my mom and she couldn't see me cry. I became an emotionless puppet, but she did not seem to notice." My voice grew increasingly quiet, weighted down by the heaviness of my emotions.

So quiet that I wasn't even sure if Edward would hear the next part, "I not sure if I even know who I am underneath my mask." I mumbled.

I blushed furiously. I hadn't meant to reveal that much about myself. Certainly not on the first day. Alice rapped impatiently on the window and with a sigh Edward started the car and drove down the endless driveway. I stared out the window, looking at the beautiful landscape as it blurred by, seeing but not really seeing. My memories were the only things in front of my eyes.

"I am sorry. I shouldn't pry like that." He said softly, trying not to startle me "My family often kids that I am in their head so much that they no longer have any privacy."

I tried to look up at him. To smile. To say I was okay. But I really wasn't. The dismal mood had become concentrated in this small area and it loomed closer, constricting around me, cutting off my air and the feelings in my heart. I struggled to breathe to breathe the fresh air that would be my new life, but it was too tight, my memories were closing in, threatening to take over and use my poor body as a vessel for feelings of hopelessness. As tears dripped into my lap, I let my body become the empty shell I had grown accustomed to. Locking up my emotions and pushing them farther into the abyss that was becoming my mind.

* * *

"Bella. We're here."

He got out of the car silently and I froze with my hand on the door. I half expected and half hoped that Edward would open the door and we could return to our earlier chivalrous banter, but he simply got out and leaned against the hood of the car. _He doesn't want to offend you. You started crying the last time he really tried to talk to you._

It took all of my strength to step out of the Volvo. Students milled about the high school and I swear I could feel their stares on me. Everywhere I looked there was someone scrutinizing me. Alice squeezed my arm supportively. But I knew what a new school was like, how it was to be the new girl that everybody gawked at.

I could only imagine that it would be worse now that my past had become even more horrific and gossip-worthy. Last time, I was simply an adopted child with a dead father. Now I am an adopted child, with a dead father, a dead mother and I was recently re-adopted. It felt as though their stares were burning holes in my back and I wanted nothing more than to run away and hide.

The rest of the Cullen family melted into the crowd, while Alice dragged me towards the office. The front office which offered sanctuary.

There were no students there, only a kindly old lady wearing far too much makeup who smiled warmly at me.

"Sorry Bella, I have to get to class. Mrs. Johnson can will get you your schedule and if I don't have any classes with you, I will see you for lunch."

I stared at her back with a panicked look, alone, again.

"Ahh. So you must be Bella Swan." I turned back to Mrs. Johnson and nodded mutely.

"Everyone's been expecting you." She informed me as though it was supposed to make me feel better, I still said nothing. She seemed awfully flustered by my lack of response.

"Well, dearie. Here is your schedule and a map. It's a pretty small school, so you shouldn't have any trouble finding your way around and I am sure the other students will be more than happy to help." She handed me the leafs of paper.

"Thank you." I responded automatically.

_Schedule:_

_English Literature 2…………………………………………. Mr. Kingsley (Building 4)_

_Pre-Calculus……………………………………………………Mrs. Pratt (Building 5)_

_French 2,3 ………………………………………………………Ms. Carolle (Building 1)_

_Free Period………………………………………………………Building 3A_

_Lunch…………………………………………………………………Cafeteria_

_Biology Lab…………………………………………………………Mr. Baxel (Building 6)_

_Gym………………………………………………………………Gymnasium (Coach Robinson)_

Poorly disguised whispers and snickers stalked me as I shuffled down the hallway.

"I can't believe the Cullen's adopted another misfit."

"I'd tap that."

"She's even uglier than the last one"

I ducked quickly into my English Lit. Class.

"Hello. I'm Bella Swan. I'm new." I muttered, gazing up briefly to meet the teacher's eyes.

"Yes. Bella. Well here is the list of all the books we have already read. I expect you to have them finished by next week." My mouth dropped open as I scanned the list of 6 different books and 11 short stories and poems, "You won't have to prepare essays for them, but I expect you to know them extensively for the midterm and final. We are in the midst of analyzing Shakespeare's twenty-second sonnet. I imagine you are familiar with it. Here is a copy." He turned back to the black board and I stood routed to the spot.

"Well. Go on. Find a seat. Any open one will do."

I found a seat in the back corner and slid into it gratefully.

Shakespeare's XXII Sonnet:

_My glass shall not persuade me I am old,  
So long as youth and thou are of one date;  
But when in thee time's furrows I behold,  
Then look I death my days should expiate.  
For all that beauty that doth cover thee  
Is but the seemly raiment of my heart,  
Which in thy breast doth live, as thine in me:  
How can I then be elder than thou art?  
O, therefore, love, be of thyself so wary  
As I, not for myself, but for thee will;  
Bearing thy heart, which I will keep so chary  
As tender nurse her babe from faring ill.  
Presume not on thy heart when mine is slain;  
Thou gavest me thine, not to give back again. _

"Such a fragile thing, the heart." I mused as a lone tear trickled down my cheek and splashed on the page, obstructing several words.

* * *

Throughout the day, the most trivial things would remind me of my parents, more often my mother.

A perky blonde wandering around in a Harvard sweat shirt reminded me of how I had intruded on my mother's plans to receive a master's degree in education. All the same, she constantly reassured me that I was, while unplanned, certainly not unwanted.

The smell of coffee wafting form the Teacher's Lounge reminded me of how Renee would make a fresh pot of coffee every morning and give Charlie a steaming mug. Every morning, she kissed the side of the mug, leaving afresh lipstick print.

But even more damaging, the comforting words and gentle pats on the back from all of the Cullen's reminded me of all I had lost and all the my heart was incapable of excepting again.

By sixth hour, I couldn't handle it anymore. I had no more courage or fight left in me. I could no withstand the barrage of memories or snide comments from my fellow students so I did the only rational thing I could dream up….. I fled.

* * *

**I know Bella seems to have these crazy bi-polar mood swings. She wants to be a normal kid, and go back to being herself, but she can't figure out how to let her parents go. So, for the moments when she is distracted, Bella will have her real personality and interacts well with the rest of the Cullen's. However, when she is reminded of her parents, she will instantly close up and start wallowing—regressing to depressing (and not fun to write about) Bella.**

**I don't really like this chapter. I am finally starting to write again and I don't feel like I was able to get this chapter to have the mood I wanted it to have.**

**Enough babbling. I tend to go on tangents and I am very easily distracted. All I was planning on saying was: PLEASE REVIEW, expect long breaks in between chapters and probably rather large time breaks. **


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